Tuesday, July 28, 2015

The Decline of Wit and Sarcasm via Facebook Status'


2010:

When all else fails, admit I'm right and kiss my butt.

I do what I want!!!....true story.

Shaun: Don't ever leave me.
Me: I won't baby.
Shaun: Cuz I'll kill you.
Me: ...........

Someone needs to invent a DVR that records my sex dreams of your mom.

Your mom's like DSL, and I get high speed access.

Your mom: Wonderland. Me: Alice....

believes the rooster came first...

Treat religion like a penis; dont show it off in public and dont shove it down anyones throat without consent.

Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.

I'm in one of those moods where I want to put someones face on fire and try to put it out with a fork....

Call me your mom, cuz I am what I eat...

I hope you all have a great weekend and that you touch someone inappropriately and cherish that moment.

Your mom's like a buffet, I lay her out on the table and take what I want.

♪ Old Macdonald had tourettes...e..i..e..i...F#^k....

I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to having sex with your mom...

Do me a favor and ask your mom if she's free tonight....or if it'll cost me.

Ok, seriously though.....your mom!

There's something I've been wanting to tell you....so...your mom...she does this thing with her tongue....Hey! Where you going??

My Foot + your teeth + Contact at a high velocity = Awesome

is saving water. Showering with your mom.

So I was thinking and...404 error, file not found.

Oh, I make myself laugh.  Now check out 2011, the year my first daughter was born. And I was still in school.  Starting with most recent...  Here, we see the mind begin its decline...

My mind has stopped working. School has officially made me stupid...

I'd rather sandpaper a croc's ass in a phone booth then do this subnetting crap...just sayin...

Having serious withdraws from my current little addiction. At least I get to see her between classes...

Just finished hanging eyeballs and body parts on the front porch.

Attention Everyone!!! PLEASE!!! Will this child out of me!!

This child is NEVER coming out!

Until she gets here: What ever falls on the floor, stays there..

Wait until after Sunday and then GREEN LIGHT, GET THE HELL OUT! Love mom...

Shaun got me a big box of crayons for my bday!! /happyface!!!

Early Bday presents: TMNT: Secret of the ooze, Escape from New York, Prom Night, Snatch, and Mortuary! /superhappyface!!!

Cool story dude, needs more dinosaurs...just sayin.

I'm getting real tired of this whole crying and puking combination that's been going on lately

I planked your mom...


And then between 2012 and now....nothing but babies this, dead tired that and blah blah blah....Dear mind, please come back, I miss you.....

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