Monday, January 31, 2011

Rant and Rave: My Nipples Hurt!

I didn't do a Weekend Shenanigans post yesterday because I stayed home and in bed, with the Mountain Man...all day.  Yep, I rarely left the bedroom except for food, bathroom breaks and to pick which movies to watch next.  When I wasn't naked...hehe...I was like this:

Fashion Victim


My room is a mess.  The bags are leftover from my most recent shopping spree.  I apologize, for that and the outfit.


But now, back to the reason for this post.  My nipples hurt.  Some of you may not want to hear this, which I understand and some of you are looking forward to reading this which is somewhat disturbing...just saying.


The nips some times get sensitive a few days before that wonderful time of the month but these suckers have been at salute and in pain for 2 weeks now!  So I googled reasons why this has to be happening to me!


Nipples can become sensitive, before ovulation, during ovulation, after ovulation, before your period, during your period, after your period.....and of course when you're preggo, which lets get that out of the way right now, I am not, medically impossible.  Apparently our nipples are supposed to hurt everyday of our lives!  WTF!

Friday, January 28, 2011

A Plethora of Non-expectations

So I was looking at this chart at the back of one of my text books and its a days of the year chart and of course the first thing I look up is how many days it is until my birthday.  217.  Thats not very long from now and I just think its simply prudent planning to make sure that everyone is informed and forewarned so that it doesn't hit anyone as a sudden surprise when the day finally arrives and everyone can be fully prepared.

Now I'm not expecting anything big for my birthday.  I mean, the Pope said he couldn't get any time off and Elvis is off-planet, and unfortunately Brown Derby doesn't deliver so we'll have to stock up, but I am looking forward to the flags flying low at Half Mass, the fireworks display, and of course the Jumpy Jump.

Jumpy jump

I mean, that's not expecting much, right?

And of course telling everyone now gives all of you and the Mountain Man plenty of time to come up with the perfect birthday gifts.  I am CERTAIN that I will swoon at the magnificence of all of the pretty shinnies and all the big, BIG boxes just awaiting me to tear into them.  

And I'm trying not to get too excited, because it is just another birthday, one where I'll be turning 29 for the only time EVER.  But I can't help but look forward to the millions of balloons and hundreds of white daisies and of course the 30 something doves that will be released Right as I blow out the candles on my three tier chocolate, chocolate, chocolate cake.

And there is no doubt that, with all of this being said so far in advance, if ANYONE were to, God Forbid, FORGET, I'd be devastated, crushed, left lying on the floor bleeding and in desperate need of a tourniquet.

....(pause for dramatic effect)

But like I said, its not a big deal and I'm not expecting much....

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Themed Thursday: Sock Monster

You know about the sock monster, right?  He hides in your dryer and eats socks.  No one has ever seen him.  There are so many mysteries surrounding this creature.  I want to know.  Is he scary?



Is he cute?




Why socks?

And why just one per pair?


And what does he do with the socks?

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Short and Sweet: Sweet Skull

I want this!!!  

shiny red skull
Its a skull, its shiny and its red (my fav color).  1 + 1 + 1 divided by awesome = MINE!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Geekdom: Test time

So I found a pretty good lil Geek test here and thought I'd share it with you.  I always knew I was geeky, but I never realized how much until this test.  

Geek Girl



So what makes you geek?

Monday, January 24, 2011

Rant and Rave: Tired of being tired

I've been so lazy lately.  My daily routine consists of me waking up, stumbling to the office, sitting down in front of my computer for 8 hrs for work, then after work...I sit at my computer...til bed time...


I'm tired of just existing in this life.  I want to live it, but I need more energy.  So I've come up with a plan.


1.  I'm going to start eating better.  More of this:

Steak
                                                 And Less of this:

Gross
2.  And I'm gonna try to drink less like this:

Drunk
                     And more moderately like this:

Drinking

3.  And I'm going to start working out once a day, every day.


Sex
Yeah, I'm feeling better already.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Weekend Shenanigans: Zombies and Tutus

Went to a house party this weekend.  It was a pretty awesome place to be:



We played a few drinking games.  AND THEN, we decided to play dress up...

Pippin in Pink

I look good in green

Samson in a top hat

Snake



How was your weekend?

Saturday, January 22, 2011

A Snowman and an Award!

The guys made a snowman (not having sex) and its awesome.




He's more of a snow-demon.


But I think he's cute either way.  And NO, I did not help build him. One, because I wasn't here.  I was out shopping.  And two, because its cold outside, and me and cold don't get along too well and we avoid each other whenever possible.


And awesome news....I received a blog award from StephanieC over at Seriously??... Reeeally?... Seriously?

I'd do a thank you speech but I wasn't prepared, but thank you very much indeed!  We all know I'm not sweet, but I'm excepting it, because it was nice, I want it, and it has food on it and I'm hungry...Now, I have to list 5 of my guilty pleasures and pass this on to 3 other bloggers.




1.  Gaming:  I get to kill ppl without being put away for the rest of my life and it relieves the stress like a charm.

2.  Shopping:  Specifically 2nd hand shopping.  I love finding those hidden treasures for the much cheaper prices.  It's seriously an addiction...

3.  Dr. Pepper:  I drink too much of it, but there's nothing better than that first gulp of fizz that makes your eyes water and then you sigh...

4.  Doctor Who:  I actually don't feel guilty about this one at all.  He's awesome, more than, if I had a better word than awesome,...he'd be that.

5.  Sex:  Does it really need explanation?....


Award Recipients

Confessions of a Cornfed Girl:  She's beautiful, she's fun, she's entertaining and you'll love her. 

waiting for superman: She's cute, she has some rockin little girls and she'll be doing a guest blog here soon...

Confessions of a Geek Princess:  She's a girl after my own heart!  A fellow Geek Girl!  Check her out for all things geek related.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Themed Thursday: Pitbulls

I adore pitbulls...they were once the National Canine Mascot, the Front "Man" of American posters, they were once used as Nanny's to care for and protect our children!!!  And do you know why?  Because they are good, loyal, intelligent and loving creatures.  And sadly that is why they are bred for fighting.  Because they want to please their owners.  Its SICK!  People like Michael Vick should be tortured in the slowest, most painful way ever imagined and then shot multiple times in the head just to make sure they are dead and there is no chance of them coming back like in a scary movie!!!!

Ban stupid ppl, not dogs.

How could you fear this?

I got your back girl.

Petey!

Little Rascals' Petey

True Story

American Hero

Nanny

I'm sorry you'll fear me in a couple mths.

Damn Straight!

U.S.A
And since I mentioned the Vick Dogs, here's what became of the survivors.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Short and Sweet: I Think I Just Saw A Clip Of A Penis...

...Thank you Tyler Durden Sir. 

Fight Club

Its still one of my top movies!!  What are your top favs?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Geekdom: I made a button...

I'm geeky, but I'm not (yet) HTML geeky.  So when I was asked to make a button for my blog...yeah.  I did it, lets get that out of the way before I go into bitch mode.


OMG, I feel like such a Tard right now!  It took a lot of Googling, a lot of frustrations and a lot of cigarettes before I got it finished.   There are a lot of Step-by_Steps out there on how to do the damn thing and NOT ONE is the same and NOT ONE was for my specific needs and Blogger, I'm sorry but I HATE you right now and you're going to have to do a lot of ASS KISSING to make it up to me!  Damn I need a vicodin!  Or some alcohol.  Or some alcohol and vicodin...


Ok, so the button is there on the sidebar.  Its a shitty little thing and now that I know how to do it, I'll make a prettier one later, but this one will have to do for now.  Enjoy!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Rant and Rave: Whiskey...BLEH!

There were lots of shenanigans this weekend but I failed to post about them because I didn't get those epically awesome pics that I usually do.  But I will tell you that me and the Mountain Man slow danced to Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight:


Anyhow, nuff of the cheesy shit.  We also had a party, small, but fun.  My friend Samson had his usual bottle of whiskey and of course after years of me denying him and nearly puking any time I watched him take a shot of it, he STILL tries to push it on me.

Samson: Take a shot fucker! 

Me: NEVER!

Samson (10 mins later):  Take a shot fucker!

Me:  Go to Hell and STAY there!

Samson (not even 10 mins later):  Take a shot fucker!

Me:  OMG!  I'd rather cut my head off and use it as a punch bowl then take a shot of that!

And I would.  Here are a few other "I'd Rather"s just to make sure I get the point across:

I'd rather get stung in the eye by a bee!

I'd rather sandpaper a croc's ass in a phone booth!

I'd rather shave my legs cabin fever style!

I'd rather get my face surgically altered to look like that chick from The Ring.

I'd rather saw my boobs off with a rusty spoon.

Yeah, I think that does it...

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Childhood Crushes

There may have been something wrong with me...

1. The Swamp Thing
Swamp Thing

2. Man at Arms: He-Man


Man at Arms

3. Vincent: Beauty and the Beast
Vincent

4. Jareth: Labyrinth
Jareth

5. Spock: Star Trek

Spock


Who were yours?  No need to be embarrassed.  Share and share alike.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Twitter Me This...


Yes I have a twitter.  But I never use it.  I can write one sentence status' on my facebook page.  I'm still not certain that I get the point of Twitter and yet, as a blogger I feel I must reform.  So, I dusted off the old twitter (hehe, I dusted my twitter) and found my very first tweet:

"So, I'm supposed to just make a random statement.. Stripper clowns..more random? How is this thing so popular again?"

Still pretty much in the same state of mind over the whole Twitter thing.  I only got it because The Blogess made me do it.  So if you can enlighten me as to the wonderment of Twittering, please do.

P.S. If you would like to follow me on Twitter for some reason I can't comprehend at the moment, click here.

P.S.S. Also, I like saying Twitter...it sounds dirty...

Friday, January 14, 2011

Dear Trolls,

I'm certain you are aware of who you are and for those of you that are unaware, denial is the first step, please seek help.  Internet trolling is a personality disorder, caused in theory by lack of social interactions, a lack of motherly love (she may have been busy "loving" on me...) and a severe need for attention.

I'm sure it is a sad life of cheap, shortly lived humor.  And there can be no doubt the shame you feel, while trying to appear intelligent only to fail miserably, is deep.

As for those of you who are saying "What to you mean?  Its endless fun and I have lots of smart!"..... it truly is pitiful that you can not see the error of your ways.

Trolls




Ok, so that's probably feeding the trolls.  Oh well.  In truth, if I ever got my hands on some of the trolls I've had to deal with in the past I'd set their faces on fire and put it out with a fork (favorite hobby of mine), or I'd pierce all their nipples, string them together and call them the Chain Gang and have them sing show tunes in their underwear while trying to do the Macarena and the Show Girls leg kick dance thing, all while still being strung together, mind you, and if one or two of them got their nips ripped off, well that would be their own fault for not all moving in unison.  Also, they would all call me The Almighty Mistress and I'd whip them twice daily and they would NOT like it, but they will not bitch because I am the Almighty Mistress, and I'd make them watch movies of me doing their mom's like the dirty whores they are and they will NOT like it, but they will because I am the Almighty Mistress, and...I think you get the point now...

And you all don't have to call me the Almighty Mistress, thats for the Trolls.  You can stick with Grand Poobah!

'Til later my lovelies! 

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Themed Thursday: Snowman Sex

So it snowed here a couple days ago and I was considering braving the cold to make a snowman.  I've only made one in my life.  (From NM remember) Anyhow, I was trying to think of some way to make an epic snowman, one that would be remembered by the neighbors for years to come, so I googled to steal some ideas, and this is what I found!!!!

snowman sex

snowman sex

snowman sex

snowman sex
Its like porn for Jack Frost...

snowman sex

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Geekdom: We gots style!

Maybe its the girl in me, maybe its the geek in me.  I don't know but I know that I want it ALL!!!

Zombie High Heels

Binary Nails

 
Star Trek Corset
 (I wouldn't mind having her boobs as well...)
Alien High Heels
(Alien heels....Ouch, Ouch, Ouch!!!)
Geek Bag

Mario Corset

Star Wars Heels